“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.”
― Jordan Belfort
My previous posts have touched on the theme that we have to stay motivated, positive and humble to get the most out of our experience in the professional horse world. There are ups and downs; Big ones. Keeping your eye on the big prize, while embracing the peaks and potholes of the road you're traveling is a lot of work in itself!
So, where does this all fit in for me personally?? Lets start with the fact that at the moment, I am lucky enough to have 2 very nice horses that are mine to compete for the foreseeable future, thanks to their generous owners.
Florian is an 11 year old Oldenburg gelding. 17.3hh and hotter than lit dynamite. He came to me GREEN broke. In 2012, Florian and I spent the year attempting the world of 3 day eventing. He is talented for it. I could gallop that horse forever and live on the high of it alone. He is a power house. However, since prior to late 2011, I hadn't jumped a fence since I was 13 or so, I had some major work to do. I'm not talented over fences. It doesn't make a lot of sense to my eye or my body after all these years in the dressage tack. However, I got it down enough to successfully achieve my lofty goal of running beginner novice before (well actually it was ON) my 30th Birthday. We had my worst dressage score in 10 years and time penalties on XC because I decided to walk a bit when my horse shaped rocket started to feel like the breaks were failing. Yeah, I'm totally a chicken, but we completed! Then we fumbled on and finished a few schooling shows at Pine Hill, and finally ended 2012 with a 2nd place finish at Greenwood and a 12th place finish at the Midsouth Team Challenge in Kentucky. Sadly, a vet visit this December to address a nagging on and off low grade lameness, revealed some arthritis and a BIG OLE bone chip in one fetlock. It's old, probably from playing as a foal... but it means my decision to continue eventing him could mean risking a big injury. I've sadly made the choice to keep to the sand box and develop him from here as a dressage horse. He has gotten an 8 on his gaits every time out... and he certainly has the power to be an FEI horse. We just have some serious energy channelling to accomplish.
Furio is a 17.2hh 17 year old Danish gelding. Furio came to me from a good friend, Michelle Coleman Whitfield. Michelle is a veterinarian working on her PhD and also a new mother. When it was clear that her plate was too full for much riding time she called me. I jumped at the chance for the ride. In his last life Furio's scores at Prix St. George averaged upward of 65%. The only catch is that those show days are at least 5 years in his past. Michelle and her husband had been enjoying his companionship with just some light riding for over a year, and his dressage work before that had been light. So when he came in August he was kinda chunky and hardly strong enough to hold the canter for 20 meters. He had also come to Michelle with a pretty sweet habit of bolting. So I knew the rewards could be great, but I had my work cut out for me. In my opinion, Furio has the perfect temperament. He is hot enough to come out some days way up, but you're never left scraping him off the ceiling or you out of the dirt. He channels it into his work. The bolting seems to have been because he is simply too much horse for first level life. Keeping a soft back and connection proves our challenge because of his heat. However, he is working nicely at the PSG level again, and on really good days touching on things like the 1 tempis and some piaffe.
So I have horses I believe in. What's the next piece of this puzzle?
I've set 2 big goals for myself in my time as a dressage rider. To make the NAYRC team and to ride Grand Prix before I turned 30. I fell short of both. NAYRC nearly broke me, since I was fighting to make it happen without any adults in my corner. I got a bit obsessed with the idea of it all, and never even getting down the center line for a qualifying attempt, really crushed me. And the Grand Prix by 30? I was blessed to come upon a solid Grand Prix horse that no one seemed to know was a Grand Prix horse and somehow made him my own. Tokio was 18 when I showed him at 3rd level. I had plans show him lightly at 4th and Prix St George for my Silver Medal and then make a trip or two down the Grand Prix center line before retiring him to the life of luxury that fabulous Danish teddy bear deserved. Unfortunately, he became plagued with bouts of severe lameness that looked a lot like laminitis but never seemed to actually be. I was working for Dr. Carter at TAMU, who is frankly pure genius, and he was fairly stumped. We would get him stable, back to turnout, and then 2 weeks into riding he would become crippled again. Finally, I decided it was all too selfish. At 22 years old he did not need to make another come back, so we got him comfortable for turnout and I retired him. This disappointment fed directly into my slightly insane leap into eventing. Ironically a year+ later, Tokio passages his fat butt around the field sound as could be. I'm happy just to love on him endlessly. Maybe we didn't get in the FEI ring, but his piaffe and passage were exceptional and he gave me an incredible education on what the ultimate goal should feel like! See I do love the journey immensely!
And now we are back to the Jordan Belfort quote.
There is a bullshit story standing in my way. The sad story that I will never be able to achieve any lofty goal I set. I mean, I have an undeniable track record... However, that is still a bullshit story. I'm facing an opportunity with these horses. I already love the journey. I have always loved the day to day training and development of any horse, talented or not, more than the moments spent in the show ring. I believe in my ability as a trainer to correctly train dressage horses. However, it's time to set some more goals. Get back to believing in my ability to achieve more again.
I spent last weekend in Florida watching my good friend Laura achieve her goal of completing her first Intermediate event. It's a goal that started with one horse and ended with another. Like us all, Laura has faced her share of equine heart break. However, it never made her stop believing in herself, or made her afraid to keep the goal alive.
I've been waiting for someone else to believe in me and luck to rain from the skies as some kind of sign that I could set competitive goals for myself again. It's time to believe in myself and that be enough. Time to quit thinking about all the things that might go wrong, and spend all my energy into making them go right. I'm going to qualify both my boys for the Region 9 Championships. I'm going to start at Training level with Florian and see if he can keep his shit together. I will start Furio at 4th level. We will see after the first shows if I can move up from there. Some client horses will join the show team for the year as well. I will enjoy the journey and any failure is not fatal. Success with this goal will not be final either. I have some Grand Prix center lines in my future somewhere; I'm sure of it again now.
